Our latest Talk With the Experts featured an all star lineup of running parents -Team RunRun coaches CJ Albertson, Adam Frye, Julia Wiseman, Ashley Nordell- to talk about running and parenting and how they’re making it all fit; Team RunRunners and coaches can watch the replay here.
Running and family life can complement, and dare I say benefit, each other if approached with intentionality and good communication. Here are 6 tips from our coaches to help you do just that.
1. The Power of Communication:
Good communication with your partner about your running goals and family responsibilities is essential. By setting expectations and discussing what’s feasible as a family, you can find a running and parenting balance that works for everyone. Planning ahead of time becomes especially important before family vacations or busy seasons, ensuring that your running doesn’t become a source of stress.
Coupled with open communication and planning, the support of a partner who understands the importance of running for your physical and mental health, or a broader network of family and friends can make all the difference. As you ask for help from others, it’s worth considering ways you could reciprocate. Does your partner have a passion hobby you can support them in? If you have friends looking after your kids, is there a time when you can take care of their children?
Adam Frye: “I wouldn’t be able to do it without the support of my partner (and to some extent, grandparents). It’s important to reciprocate your partner’s support, making a plan so you each have time for your own interests.”
And Leveraging Support Systems:
Julia Wiseman: “My family is incredibly supportive of my running. My husband has often asked “aren’t you so glad you have found something that helps you so much mentally as well as physically?”. I think the most important aspect of running goals and family is communication. Knowing that running is a huge part of my mental health tool kit, my husband makes sure that I have the time and space to run. That said, when I know that a different “season” of family life is approaching, such as a family vacation or busy period, and I have a race or goal that I would like to pursue, I make sure that I tell my husband what my hopes and expectations are, as well as asking him what he thinks is feasible as a family. With good communication and planning we can usually find a great balance.”
2. Flexible Training with a Realistic Approach:
Parenting demands flexibility. Your training schedule may need to adapt to the ever-changing demands of family life. Coach Julia Wiseman’s mantra “running serves you, you don’t serve running” is a powerful reminder that your goals should fit within your current life circumstances. Set yourself up for success with running and parenting by realistically assessing your capacity for training before signing up for a race and/or committing to a structured plan, considering the time you have to train, as well as when and how you will fit it into daily life.
Some questions to ask yourself:
- Will you get up early or workout late at night?
- Coach Julia found that “shifting to running in the early morning felt like I was taking “margin” time and not “quality” time while I was running”. This has allowed her to get the training in without feeling like she was sacrificing family time and parenting responsibilities.
- Can you fit in a session on your lunch break?
- Do you have equipment at home? Or do you need to go to the gym and account for that commute time?
- Do you have time for longer runs and workouts? Or do you need to break training down into shorter blocks (e.g. 20 to 40 minutes at a time)?
Adam Frye reiterates the importance of being realistic with what you can and cannot do: “you absolutely have made adjustments -e.g. shorter races, choosing events closer to home, decreasing training volume- as well as reflecting on your values and priorities as a parent versus athlete. Flexibility is key, as is avoiding letting perfect be the enemy of good: things will rarely (if ever) be ideal, and getting some training in is always better than none.”
3. Involving the Family in Your Running Journey:
Involving your family in your running routine not only makes training more enjoyable but also sets a healthy example for your kids. All of our coaches have found ways to do just that, allowing them to simultaneously combine running and parenting.
Julia Wiseman credits “running with the double stroller when my kids were toddlers” for “helping me get in the best shape of my life”. As they got older, their involvement changed: “we have participated in many races together, I currently coach their elementary cross country team”.
Similarly, stroller running and biking with a trailer allowed both Ashley Nordell and Adam Frye to successfully combine running and parenting. With Adam and his partner both being runners, they take it in turns to race or spectate on course with their children, as well as prioritizing opportunities for “being active together”. Ashley Nordell also adopts this approach, transforming races into family road trips. For her family “racing, or even just training, has allowed us to see so many amazing places” and make wonderful memories together.
4. Running as a Tool for Better Parenting; Managing Guilt:
You can leverage running as a tool for better parenting, as well as physical activity. It’s unlikely to be a surprise to read that running helps you maintain mental clarity, patience, and overall well-being, but have you reflected on how that directly benefits your family? By prioritizing running, you’re not just taking care of yourself—you’re also investing in your ability to be a better parent.
Additionally, appreciating the importance of investing in your well-being can help negate the feelings of guilt about spending time running instead of with your family. Other tips for managing this guilt include asking yourself whether there are times when your kids are at school or daycare, occupied with their own supervised activities, or staying with friends or family when you can fit a run in without feeling like you’re missing out on time with them.
Ashley Nordell tries to get her “runs done at times when they don’t even notice” or involve her kids in the training to minimize the guilt she feels.
5. Role Modeling and Teaching Life Lessons Through Running:
Balancing running and parenting can position you as a powerful role model for your children. Watching you wake up early, commit to your goals, and then seamlessly transition into your role as a parent teaches them valuable lessons about the persistence and dedication required to succeed not just in running, but in life as a whole.
Julia Wiseman sees her running as a way to teach her kids that achieving “big goals takes hard work, consistency and commitment”, which are traits they can channel too.
Additionally, by sharing your love for running with them, you’re also role modeling the value of taking care of yourself and pursuing your own passions alongside supporting them in theirs.
Ashley Nordell hopes that “as my kids get bigger they can gain some takeaways from their experience with this sport. At the very least, I hope they see the love of getting outdoors. Even if my kids never enjoy running, I hope they gain from me comfort and confidence in being outdoors.”
This is a common thread between our coaches, all of them offering their children support in whatever they’re passionate about rather than channeling them into running themselves. For CJ Albertson, he just wants “them to be their own people and be driven to succeed in things simply because they choose to”.
6. Adapting Training to Different Seasons of Life:
Recognizing and adapting to the different seasons of life is crucial. As your children grow and their needs change, so too might your training schedule and goals. Being open to reevaluating your running objectives and maintaining flexibility based on your current family circumstances allows you to stay connected to both your personal aspirations and your family’s needs.
Even professional athlete and TRR Coach CJ Albertson acknowledges the disruption a heavy training load can be to family life: “For the most part, during peak marathon training and the school semester, family life just isn’t ideal. Because of this, I’m typically only in ‘peak’ training for 10-12 weeks twice a year, so the rest of the time I can devote energy to family life.”
With Ashley’s children being a little older and more independent, they’re “not as keen going to races or with me leaving for any big runs” so Ashley has had to adjust her relationship with running. “Lately, I have been opting for flatter courses over big mountain ultras because I can train for them right out of my door and they don’t take as long to complete”. During this season of life, Ashley is racing “a bit more intentionally: instead of half a dozen races or more in a year, I pick a few that matter to me”.
For more about running and parenting, check out “Incorporating Training into Family Time with Coach Ashley Nordell“.