with Coach Robin Sorey

At 9pm the night before, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to the start line of the Hartford Marathon.

The days leading up to my marathon, pretty much from peak week through the 3 week taper, were filled with life stress. Mom stress, single mom stress, work stress, working two jobs stress, financial stress….the whole gamut.

But this was especially hard. Deeply personal challenges that affected my family in ways I never knew possible. Challenges exacerbated by not having the best relationship with your ex-husband.

My girls are my priority. And even though I went into this build with “goals”, when the shit hit the fan, running took a back seat. The taper wasn’t a smooth step down week by week. Instead it was like being at the peak of a rollercoaster and dramatically and quickly coming down the backside.

As a coach, I adjusted the plan the best I could. As a mom, I was with them every step they needed me. Balance. It’s not perfect, but it’s possible.

Going into the marathon, truthfully at 9pm the night before, I didn’t know if I was going to show up on the start line. My daughter’s well being was first and foremost and we decided together I would run…she is my biggest supporter.

Quickly laid out my flat lay, threw some gels in a bag, and grabbed some clothes to meet her at her volleyball match soon after the race. Desperately trying to settle on a plan for how I would attack my 10th marathon the next day. Did the thought of “just go as fast as you can so you can get to her volleyball game” cross my mind?? Absolutely. Do I know that is a poor way of attacking a marathon? Also Absolutely.

Dropped her at the bus by 6am and headed to Bushnell park. A few stops at the portapottys and rolling up to gear check a bit late, I found myself in Corral C behind the 5 hour marathon pacers. No big deal…not worth pushing through everyone. My “goal” or “fitness” was at 3:40-3:45. I felt confident in this time but that plan I settled on was to take it one mile at a time, run by feel.

A crowded start finally opened up around mile 5. I was able to create some distance, and move up in a controlled and smooth manner, eventually moving well in front of the 4:00 pacer by mile 12-13

But GI distress derailed it all at mile 19 slowing my pace down as dramatically as that trip down the roller coaster in the taper, often times to a walk. A few stops in the port potty and some nausea humbled me greatly for the next 6 miles that day.

It was as if my body knew it couldn’t take anymore stress. It shut it down at mile 19. Stress is stress after all and our bodies don’t differentiate. Dare I saw they “keep the score”? Bottom line is the marathon owed me nothing that day, but what I owed myself was a chance. A chance to show up at the start line, see what would happen, and adjust when I needed to.

And the growth was knowing, no matter what the splits looked like (and they were positive!!!) or the time I crossed the finish line, the distance was still 26.2.

I came away with not only positive splits, but a positive mindset that sometimes showing up for ourselves and others in our lives, can look differently in different stages of life. It doesn’t need to be perfect, but it can be balanced. I kept that balance as even as I could and when it tipped in the other direction, I didn’t fall apart, I adjusted.

Here’s how I shifted my mindset in three weeks leading up to the start line to crossing the finish line:

• Kept perspective on what truly is most important to me
• It’s just running
• No one actually cares
• No one actually remembers
• There is always another race
• The training doesn’t go to waste
• The marathon was the training – the tired runs, the early runs, the 3 hour runs
• One mile at a time, one 5k at a time – keep it simple
• Stay focused
• Running is a gift, however it looks for you, however the day plays out
• Some days are just like this
• Running can always find a way to humble you
• Running can look however it looks for you on whatever day
• You’re running on World Mental Health Day….run proud, celebrate each others wins
• Remembering who I do it for
• Remembering what my “why” is greater than my finish time – ALWAYS
• Remember – You can do hard things

From me to you, I hope this is a reminder that running can and is always more than just running. I hope if your race didn’t go as “planned” or you didn’t hit your “goal” time, that you find a way to see the light through the disappointment. Be proud of yourself for showing up when it was hard, for grinding it out when it mattered, for appreciation for what you ask of your body.

You are amazing.